My Biggest Weakness: Discipline
Sometimes I’m in a circumstance I’d love to run far away from. One of those things I’d give anything to avoid for my whole life (like car troubles). Those things you wish only other people had to deal with.
Life is riddled with those seemingly insignificant ‘filler tasks’, the ones I’m never excited of getting out of bed for. But nonetheless, I have to deal with them. My natural response is to shrink into a cocoon of motionlessness for as long as possible. Then, when the deadline is scarily close I have to spring into frantic action. The great thing about this method is not feeling as bad for being lazy. I can brush off bad work because “I was rushed”. Yet, feeling stressed over last-minute deadlines isn’t a healthy motivator for productivity.
Most of my life, especially my teenage years, I felt as if I had no control over my day. I’d wake up, and before I could get my feet on the ground, the course of the day would be set in the wrong direction. Needless to say, it’s incredibly frustrating when your entire existence isn’t doing what you want it to. As a result, I became overly anxious and angry. My overactive mind started fabricating solutions. Severe Anxiety. Mental illness. Inferiority. Anything I could blame my dysfunction on.
The one solution my angst never arrived at was discipline. I was (and still very much am) undisciplined. I am not inclined to take initiative in most situations, especially with things I am not interested in doing at all. A lack of discipline has impacted all aspects of my life, from prayer to physical health. I’ve also neglected writing for this blog due to the deficit. Instead of being disciplined, I’ve operated out of spontaneous motivation or frustration. In other words, until a massive wave of motivation or self-frustration hits me, I won’t necessarily be proactive about whatever task is at hand.
And so that’s what I’m working on. Whether it be through running in the morning, cleaning my room, calling the doctor now instead of later, or just picking up the damn pen and writing, discipline is my focus for the time being. I’ve been reading a lot of posts on a blog written by James Clear. He writes about how to form good habits, and cultivate a disciplined life. I believe the lack of discipline is what has been holding me back as a writer, a student, and a human being for some time.
Heres a question for you: what role does discipline play in leading an optimal life?