On Singleness / My Rib Is Missing
I can feel something is missing.
I have everything in Christ, and am lacking no good thing. God is all I need. My identity is in Him, and I am full and being made perfect by His Holy Spirit. Yet, I ache. Something in me is incomplete. Something in this temple, this body, cries out.
I’m missing a rib. Bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh.
Of all the longings of man, I’d wager this is one of the more painful. It’s in the back of my mind. It’s the question lingering in the young adult communities of our Churches.
Why such pain among such fulfillment? Why such longing? Why such suffering? Why such an ache in our guts and in our hearts for a person we’ve yet to meet?
Why is dating so damn hard?
I don’t believe there is an easy answer to these questions. I don’t think the best things in life are simple, or come with some five-word adage to make the pain go away.
No, the best things in life are hard fought for.
They come with a struggle. They are carved out of the madness, sculpted from roughage, fortified in the furnace. And it seems the harder this fight becomes, the more new engagement announcements surround me. The more people who “finally found the one”, or who “just knew the moment they saw them”.
Jesus is good to me.
He’s good to all of us. He withholds no good thing. And yet it is not good for man to be alone. I desire to become one flesh.
My soul screams for patience, purity, and perseverance. My biology cries out for satisfaction.
This is the tension of a twenty-something single Christian. In most cases, I find freedom and humility in the tension. It’s where we live, it’s where I find myself resting. In this case, it feels like a sort of death.
I don’t wish to enter marriage haphazardly.
It’s the most important decision of my life. Becoming one flesh is no laughing matter. It is intimate. Holy. Deep. And the stakes are high.
It’s a decision worth waiting for. Worth fighting for. Worth making sacrifices for.
One can only hope the wait isn’t much longer. And yet, I will wait as long as it takes to do it right. I’ll choose patience, virtue, honor, and wisdom over immediate satisfaction or fulfillment. This could be a death sentence…
In the meantime,
Jesus, mold me into the type of man who can lead effectively. Make me humble. Make me steadfast. Give me patience. Give me holiness and purity. Give me wisdom and insight.
I pray, for myself and my one-day-wife, this would be a crucible preparing us for holy matrimony. I pray my one-day-marriage would be a one-time-deal, the real deal, to the end, till death do us part. I pray it would be a model for many. I pray it will be more than either of us could ever have expected from it. I pray for the joy it will bring, and the hardship it will bring.
I pray for all my single Christian friends enduring the same struggle. I pray for us, who find ourselves in between a culture wishing to delay marriage, a biology yearning to be satisfied, and a faith demanding no compromise. God, be with us all.
Somethings got to give.
Let it be our singleness that gives way to marriage, rather than our impatience giving way to licentiousness.
I pray the church would have the best marriages. I pray it would have the best families. I pray that many of us who are single would soon be able to say “finally, this is bone of my bone, and flesh of my flesh”.
And I pray we would only have to say it once.